








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,796 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 849 | 30% |
| Smokes | 668 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 838 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 441 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $584,443 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 390 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koshka | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | polygonshifter | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | __K__ | 49% | 53 |
| #4 | Brm | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | polygonshifter | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | __K__ | 49% | 53 |
| #4 | Brm | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 44% | 18 |
| #6 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | __K__ | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Koshka | 4 | 0.0260 |
| #3 | Brm | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brm | 82 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 61 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 35 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | polygonshifter | 24 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Koshka | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | +7.21 | 93 | 32 |
| #2 | Koshka | +6.04 | 98 | 54 |
| #3 | polygonshifter | +5.75 | 66 | 58 |
| #4 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | +0.98 | 62 | 59 |
| #5 | Not Me Again | -0.39 | 30 | 52 |





