








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 235 matches | ||
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2544 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,140 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3113 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2471 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2660 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2896 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $798,560 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Meitsi | 47% | 81 |
| #11 | Alkem1sti | 44% | 27 |
| #12 | mä olen arabininen | 44% | 41 |
| #13 | Pavezki | 42% | 36 |
| #14 | 2 | 36% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jONCi ヅ | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | 2 | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Meitsi | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Taekwondo Teuvo | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jONCi ヅ | 754 | 0.24 | 21 min |
| #2 | 2 | 379 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #3 | Taekwondo Teuvo | 154 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | mä olen arabininen | 139 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 133 | 0.09 | 4 min |





