








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 536 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 472 matches | ||
| Wingman | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5947 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,646 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3719 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3397 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 5198 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4332 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,904,382 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 218 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Rauno Muilu | 51% | 87 |
| #8 | mä olen arabininen | 48% | 66 |
| #9 | 2 | 48% | 44 |
| #10 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 47% | 166 |
| #11 | Adolf Dribbler | 43% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KarateKeijo | 539 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | jONCi ヅ | 512 | 0.27 | 15 min |
| #3 | Raaka-Arska | 456 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #4 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 351 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | Pavezki | 247 | 0.13 | 6 min |





