










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Wingman | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1428 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1102 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1693 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1964 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1986 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,274,372 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 57 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Adolf Dribbler | 47% | 53 |
| #8 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 46% | 90 |
| #9 | Rauno Muilu | 43% | 44 |
| #10 | mä olen arabininen | 43% | 28 |
| #11 | 2 | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taekwondo Teuvo | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | KarateKeijo | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Kaunis tyttö Vantaa seksiseuraa | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Raaka-Arska | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | mä olen arabininen | 2 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taekwondo Teuvo | 640 | 0.09 | 13 min |
| #2 | Raaka-Arska | 342 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #3 | KarateKeijo | 280 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | jONCi ヅ | 263 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #5 | Pavezki | 218 | 0.13 | 6 min |





