








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 884 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,919 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1480 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2337 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1918 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2184 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,411,914 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 914 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | |GM| Sr. Kapetan Neo 💥 | 76% | 34 |
| #2 | Roman Tit's Licker | 65% | 17 |
| #3 | Hirschhag | 63% | 30 |
| #4 | G-Erik | 63% | 16 |
| #5 | poe | 61% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Ben Rice Prison Man | 11 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Dying Dutchman | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Jeff | 8 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Reboot | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | |GM| Sr. Kapetan Neo 💥 | 3 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reboot | 383 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #2 | Uncle Ben Rice Prison Man | 271 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Dying Dutchman | 229 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | M1Gs1 | 162 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | poe | 155 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FlasHii | +4.89 | 92 | 54 |
| #2 | poe | +2.58 | 90 | 64 |
| #3 | Uncle Ben Rice Prison Man | +0.83 | 72 | 52 |
| #4 | |GM| Sr. Kapetan Neo 💥 | +0.63 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | Roman Tit's Licker | +0.30 | 78 | 52 |





