








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 330 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,880 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4144 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1742 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2251 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2743 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,229 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 579 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | b3t | 47% | 206 |
| #7 | deedle | 46% | 132 |
| #8 | Mike Nolan | 42% | 77 |
| #9 | 76561198399920145 | 39% | 23 |
| #10 | Jalis | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b3t | 71 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | labob | 25 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Mike Nolan | 15 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | homeless bum | 13 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | ARTIFICE | 10 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b3t | 878 | 0.20 | 22 min |
| #2 | ARTIFICE | 568 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #3 | homeless bum | 463 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | labob | 229 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | deedle | 219 | 0.08 | 4 min |





