








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 129 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 274 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4016 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3270 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2166 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2059 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,220 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 120 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brandy alexander | 57% | 53 |
| #2 | homeless bum | 51% | 146 |
| #3 | labob | 51% | 119 |
| #4 | ARTIFICE | 51% | 124 |
| #5 | deedle | 50% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | deedle | 50% | 90 |
| #6 | hs4v | 47% | 206 |
| #7 | Mike Nolan | 44% | 77 |
| #8 | Jalis | 32% | 22 |
| #9 | 76561198399920145 | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hs4v | 35 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | labob | 21 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | Mike Nolan | 15 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | homeless bum | 13 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | ARTIFICE | 7 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hs4v | 936 | 0.21 | 20 min |
| #2 | ARTIFICE | 426 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | homeless bum | 349 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | labob | 228 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Mike Nolan | 209 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b3t | +2.78 | 83 | 64 |
| #2 | labob | +1.61 | 74 | 40 |
| #3 | brandy alexander | +1.07 | 63 | 55 |
| #4 | homeless bum | -0.04 | 61 | 56 |
| #5 | hs4v | -0.73 | 63 | 49 |





