








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1717 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,383 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2177 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2079 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1074 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1053 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $257,037 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | labob | 59% | 32 |
| #2 | b3t | 51% | 124 |
| #3 | Jimmy Jones Jr | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | brandy alexander | 49% | 39 |
| #5 | Mike Nolan | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mike Nolan | 49% | 35 |
| #6 | homeless bum | 49% | 68 |
| #7 | hs4v | 48% | 158 |
| #8 | deedle | 46% | 37 |
| #9 | 76561198399920145 | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b3t | 40 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | hs4v | 20 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Mike Nolan | 7 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | labob | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | homeless bum | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hs4v | 801 | 0.23 | 15 min |
| #2 | b3t | 520 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #3 | homeless bum | 222 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | brandy alexander | 109 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mike Nolan | 86 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b3t | +3.27 | 84 | 66 |
| #2 | labob | +2.49 | 75 | 34 |
| #3 | brandy alexander | +0.95 | 66 | 54 |
| #4 | homeless bum | +0.94 | 66 | 64 |
| #5 | ARTIFICE | -0.51 | 72 | 47 |





