








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 111 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1163 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,325 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 891 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1177 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1138 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1119 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $551,248 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sh4mus | 64% | 77 |
| #2 | smeepus | 58% | 96 |
| #3 | olliedum | 56% | 95 |
| #4 | Sidorovich | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | p4905 | 54% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | smeepus | 58% | 96 |
| #3 | olliedum | 56% | 95 |
| #4 | Sidorovich | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | p4905 | 54% | 35 |
| #6 | Keep Yourself Safe | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smeepus | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | sh4mus | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Sidorovich | 4 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | olliedum | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olliedum | 341 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #2 | p4905 | 177 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #3 | sh4mus | 122 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | smeepus | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sidorovich | 46 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +3.18 | 73 | 72 |
| #2 | sh4mus | +2.98 | 74 | 45 |
| #3 | olliedum | +1.68 | 82 | 63 |
| #4 | Keep Yourself Safe | +1.33 | 80 | 40 |
| #5 | Sidorovich | -0.26 | 63 | 46 |





