








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 275 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1083 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,911 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 486 | 25% |
| Smokes | 402 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 489 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 534 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $466,315 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 99 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MP Styles | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | kLINKE 4 | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | BossFisch | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | Partybus03 | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | Striep | 63% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | sh4mus | 53% | 17 |
| #10 | Gabel | 50% | 10 |
| #11 | TimdieRente | 47% | 15 |
| #12 | Silvers smelly armpit | 43% | 30 |
| #13 | muck raker | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olliedum | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Gabel | 1 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Partybus03 | 1 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Kaver | 1 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olliedum | 69 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | sh4mus | 57 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Partybus03 | 36 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #4 | muck raker | 33 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | BossFisch | 20 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kLINKE 4 | +2.62 | 83 | 52 |
| #2 | BossFisch | +2.23 | 64 | 42 |
| #3 | Keep Yourself Safe | +1.62 | 77 | 49 |
| #4 | Kaver | +1.45 | 25 | 29 |
| #5 | sh4mus | +1.30 | 74 | 68 |





