








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 275 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1083 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,911 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 486 | 25% |
| Smokes | 402 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 489 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 534 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,053 of utility $242 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 99 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JustinTime | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | Kype | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Mülltonne | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | MaseFlösen | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | Striep | 63% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | shamus | 53% | 17 |
| #10 | BEAR,VODKA,STALINGRAD | 50% | 10 |
| #11 | TimdieRente | 47% | 15 |
| #12 | schrotthaufen | 43% | 30 |
| #13 | gabel | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olliedum | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | BEAR,VODKA,STALINGRAD | 1 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Kaver | 1 | 0.0103 |
| #4 | MaseFlösen | 1 | 1.0000 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olliedum | 69 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | shamus | 57 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | gabel | 33 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Striep | 15 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Mülltonne | 13 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kype | +2.62 | 87 | 53 |
| #2 | Mülltonne | +2.23 | 68 | 50 |
| #3 | CyRs | +1.62 | 82 | 54 |
| #4 | Kaver | +1.45 | 26 | 42 |
| #5 | shamus | +1.30 | 78 | 66 |





