








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1504 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,196 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 834 | 20% |
| Smokes | 976 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1392 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 994 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $531,981 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Einstein | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | PILLUMIES | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | JuZ | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | simppeli | 52% | 93 |
| #5 | Josef Fritzl | 48% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | JuZ | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | simppeli | 52% | 93 |
| #5 | Josef Fritzl | 48% | 132 |
| #6 | CASINO | 47% | 19 |
| #7 | Opera | 43% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josef Fritzl | 61 | 0.0229 |
| #2 | simppeli | 30 | 0.0165 |
| #3 | PILLUMIES | 15 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | JuZ | 7 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | Opera | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josef Fritzl | 295 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | JuZ | 113 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | PILLUMIES | 49 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Opera | 40 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | simppeli | 38 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JuZ | +7.69 | 72 | 38 |
| #2 | Josef Fritzl | +3.76 | 57 | 62 |
| #3 | Opera | +2.42 | 56 | 52 |
| #4 | CASINO | +1.73 | 52 | 36 |
| #5 | simppeli | +0.17 | 25 | 12 |





