








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 885 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 82 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 264 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1660 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,908 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 921 | 48% |
| Smokes | 154 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 592 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 241 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $848,733 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | QueefyNuts | 53% | 60 |
| #4 | Bob From Microsoft | 51% | 91 |
| #5 | Doodle Bob's Vessel | 50% | 127 |
| #6 | Donny | 48% | 106 |
| #7 | plague | 43% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny | 23 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | QueefyNuts | 12 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Bob From Microsoft | 10 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | plague | 9 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Doodle Bob's Vessel | 5 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny | 552 | 0.26 | 14 min |
| #2 | Doodle Bob's Vessel | 444 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | Bob From Microsoft | 262 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | QueefyNuts | 203 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | plague | 150 | 0.12 | 4 min |





