








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1033 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 343 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,433 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 532 | 22% |
| Smokes | 525 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 830 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 546 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $135,932 of utility $15 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 344 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kim Jong the Illest | 37% | 149 |
| #2 | Nyk | 36% | 69 |
| #3 | Shmeggels | 34% | 101 |
| #4 | SWAG MESSIAH | 30% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kim Jong the Illest | 37% | 149 |
| #2 | Nyk | 36% | 69 |
| #3 | Shmeggels | 34% | 101 |
| #4 | SWAG MESSIAH | 30% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kim Jong the Illest | 21 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Nyk | 13 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 8 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Shmeggels | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SWAG MESSIAH | 199 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nyk | 129 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kim Jong the Illest | 46 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shmeggels | 29 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | +4.39 | 87 | 64 |
| #2 | Kim Jong the Illest | +0.59 | 64 | 20 |
| #3 | Slop Hog | +0.27 | 59 | 24 |
| #4 | Shmeggels | -0.97 | 29 | 25 |
| #5 | SWAG MESSIAH | -3.30 | 33 | 50 |





