








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 964 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1245 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 972 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 165 | 17% |
| Smokes | 98 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 561 | 58% |
| Molotovs | 148 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $74,543 of utility $19 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 478 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | 41% | 91 |
| #2 | Shmeggels | 38% | 131 |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 37% | 149 |
| #4 | SWAG MESSIAH | 36% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | 41% | 91 |
| #2 | Shmeggels | 38% | 131 |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 37% | 149 |
| #4 | SWAG MESSIAH | 36% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slop Hog | 20 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Nyk | 16 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Shmeggels | 5 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SWAG MESSIAH | 209 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Nyk | 181 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 67 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Shmeggels | 54 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | +3.99 | 87 | 62 |
| #2 | Kim Jong the Illest | +0.26 | 60 | 23 |
| #3 | Shmeggels | -1.08 | 30 | 28 |
| #4 | Slop Hog | -1.11 | 47 | 26 |
| #5 | SWAG MESSIAH | -3.38 | 32 | 51 |





