








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 451 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
913 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,284 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 106 | 8% |
| Smokes | 192 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 720 | 56% |
| Molotovs | 266 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $451,460 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky Man └[σ ³σ]┘ | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | Nyk | 42% | 84 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 39% | 90 |
| #4 | Kim Jong the Illest | 38% | 131 |
| #5 | Slop Hog | 34% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky Man └[σ ³σ]┘ | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | Nyk | 42% | 84 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 39% | 90 |
| #4 | Kim Jong the Illest | 38% | 131 |
| #5 | Slop Hog | 34% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kim Jong the Illest | 26 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Nyk | 15 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 14 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | SWAG MESSIAH | 6 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SWAG MESSIAH | 171 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Nyk | 151 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 46 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kim Jong the Illest | 38 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Spooky Man └[σ ³σ]┘ | 16 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | +3.91 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | Spooky Man └[σ ³σ]┘ | +3.04 | 47 | 31 |
| #3 | Kim Jong the Illest | +0.31 | 57 | 22 |
| #4 | Shmeggels | -0.83 | 31 | 27 |
| #5 | Slop Hog | -1.81 | 45 | 27 |





