








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 380 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 97 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5791 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,041 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3456 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6238 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 2171 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3176 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,146,228 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 237 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmeggels | 42% | 84 |
| #2 | Kim Jong the Illest | 41% | 91 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 39% | 77 |
| #4 | Slop Hog | 36% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmeggels | 42% | 84 |
| #2 | Kim Jong the Illest | 41% | 91 |
| #3 | SWAG MESSIAH | 39% | 77 |
| #4 | Slop Hog | 36% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kim Jong the Illest | 22 | 0.0117 |
| #2 | SWAG MESSIAH | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Shmeggels | 4 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SWAG MESSIAH | 139 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Shmeggels | 47 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | Slop Hog | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kim Jong the Illest | 33 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyk | +1.89 | 86 | 57 |
| #2 | Kim Jong the Illest | +0.38 | 55 | 25 |
| #3 | Shmeggels | -1.25 | 31 | 28 |
| #4 | Slop Hog | -1.63 | 46 | 32 |
| #5 | SWAG MESSIAH | -3.80 | 32 | 51 |





