








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1859 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,409 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 349 | 6% |
| Smokes | 1672 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1905 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1483 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $259,837 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 397 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Loner | 48% | 77 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 47% | 150 |
| #3 | DooMe | 46% | 28 |
| #4 | Spyder | 45% | 71 |
| #5 | Han Hones! | 43% | 359 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Khai | 40% | 155 |
| #9 | Davilicious | 37% | 43 |
| #10 | BAMMY | 36% | 117 |
| #11 | Cowgirl Kirby | 36% | 53 |
| #12 | Barry McCockiner | 21% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Han Hones! | 18 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Spyder | 14 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 13 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 8 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Khai | 6 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 260 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Khai | 133 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 97 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Han Hones! | 92 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| #5 | Spyder | 60 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vlad Thunder Cock | +5.58 | 86 | 59 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | +3.07 | 79 | 64 |
| #3 | Han Hones! | +2.57 | 68 | 31 |
| #4 | DooMe | +1.54 | 68 | 24 |
| #5 | Loner | +1.45 | 61 | 21 |





