








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4081 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,015 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 67 | 2% |
| Smokes | 570 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1918 | 64% |
| Molotovs | 460 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,481,555 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BroncoWVU | 53% | 49 |
| #2 | Doc.Goodikins | 48% | 77 |
| #3 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 47% | 108 |
| #4 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 47% | 83 |
| #5 | Han Hones! | 44% | 302 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Barry McCockiner | 44% | 48 |
| #7 | Khai | 44% | 112 |
| #8 | BAMMY | 40% | 130 |
| #9 | Spyder | 38% | 40 |
| #10 | Cowgirl Kirby | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Han Hones! | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Khai | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Spyder | 7 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Doc.Goodikins | 6 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 172 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 146 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Khai | 82 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Han Hones! | 64 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Spyder | 50 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BroncoWVU | +5.77 | 87 | 43 |
| #2 | Vlad Thunder Cock | +5.20 | 86 | 58 |
| #3 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | +1.08 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | Han Hones! | +0.99 | 66 | 28 |
| #5 | Loner | +0.69 | 64 | 21 |





