








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 201 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7973 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,372 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6777 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6207 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6813 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5575 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $596,389 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1122 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DooMe | 68% | 57 |
| #2 | Spyder | 56% | 95 |
| #3 | Han Hones! | 48% | 359 |
| #4 | Loner | 47% | 108 |
| #5 | Doc.Goodikins | 47% | 150 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Doc.Goodikins | 47% | 150 |
| #6 | Khai | 45% | 122 |
| #7 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 45% | 74 |
| #8 | BAMMY | 43% | 183 |
| #9 | Barry McCockiner | 41% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spyder | 28 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | Doc.Goodikins | 26 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | Han Hones! | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Barry McCockiner | 11 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Khai | 10 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 149 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | Han Hones! | 107 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #3 | DooMe | 88 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Khai | 86 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Spyder | 57 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vlad Thunder Cock | +4.00 | 84 | 53 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | +2.17 | 79 | 66 |
| #3 | DooMe | +2.02 | 69 | 37 |
| #4 | Han Hones! | +1.27 | 64 | 31 |
| #5 | Loner | +0.38 | 64 | 21 |





