








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1019 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,027 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 559 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1043 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 729 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 696 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $546,136 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 87 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | JakeTGU | 50% | 24 |
| #6 | paulrus | 47% | 49 |
| #7 | Jakethegu | 46% | 50 |
| #8 | TuBucK | 46% | 72 |
| #9 | Autism Awarenessβ’ | 43% | 30 |





