








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2711 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




113 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3991 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4306 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3188 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3933 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,272,999 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 908 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slawdawg | 58% | 132 |
| #2 | 7o | 57% | 308 |
| #3 | AkaMachina | 54% | 57 |
| #4 | 1neJay | 54% | 195 |
| #5 | FatherEpic | 53% | 219 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | AkaMachina | 54% | 57 |
| #4 | 1neJay | 54% | 195 |
| #5 | FatherEpic | 53% | 219 |
| #6 | Hyp3r | 49% | 39 |
| #7 | carpetdemon | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 7o | 115 | 0.0191 |
| #2 | FatherEpic | 35 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | 1neJay | 14 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Slawdawg | 13 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | AkaMachina | 12 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 7o | 783 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | Slawdawg | 338 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | 1neJay | 312 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | FatherEpic | 248 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Hyp3r | 202 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Connor Cox | +4.49 | 88 | 62 |
| #2 | 7o | +3.32 | 91 | 58 |
| #3 | Hyp3r | +0.52 | 67 | 47 |
| #4 | 1neJay | -0.77 | 72 | 42 |
| #5 | AkaMachina | -1.00 | 41 | 49 |





