








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 680 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 445 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 64 matches | ||
| Faceit | 64 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,469 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2514 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4277 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3844 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3834 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,785,990 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toterbaum | 63% | 84 |
| #2 | Wide Zelenskyy | 59% | 80 |
| #3 | Anthony „Toto“ Losilla | 58% | 48 |
| #4 | Xaiden | 57% | 133 |
| #5 | Ludmilla Winter ุ | 56% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Sloaney | 49% | 106 |
| #9 | Dotto | 46% | 78 |
| #10 | Maertel | 45% | 158 |
| #11 | Master Splinter | 42% | 115 |
| #12 | KalaschnikOFFE | 33% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xaiden | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | KalaschnikOFFE | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Maertel | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Wide Zelenskyy | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Anthony „Toto“ Losilla | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Master Splinter | 715 | 0.28 | 18 min |
| #2 | toterbaum | 473 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| #3 | Wide Zelenskyy | 392 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #4 | Xaiden | 334 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | Dotto | 173 | 0.10 | 4 min |





