








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 272 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3001 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3722 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2886 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3006 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2339 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $464,657 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hex | 54% | 39 |
| #2 | ♿ cxapsy | 50% | 22 |
| #3 | hennyS | 49% | 276 |
| #4 | sin | 47% | 38 |
| #5 | dog | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ♿ cxapsy | 50% | 22 |
| #3 | hennyS | 49% | 276 |
| #4 | sin | 47% | 38 |
| #5 | dog | 46% | 52 |
| #6 | _Lerff | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hennyS | 13 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | dog | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | sin | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | _Lerff | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | ♿ cxapsy | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hennyS | 331 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #2 | dog | 274 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #3 | _Lerff | 121 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | hex | 76 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | sin | 25 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | +1.35 | 57 | 63 |
| #2 | dog | +0.61 | 64 | 69 |
| #3 | sin | -0.70 | 78 | 29 |
| #4 | _Lerff | -1.11 | 54 | 69 |
| #5 | hennyS | -1.38 | 35 | 37 |





