








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 295 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2171 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,091 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1137 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3230 | 46% |
| HE Grenades | 976 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1748 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $740,804 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 49% | 276 |
| #2 | dog | 45% | 44 |
| #3 | sin | 45% | 31 |
| #4 | hex | 43% | 40 |
| #5 | _Lerff | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 49% | 276 |
| #2 | dog | 45% | 44 |
| #3 | sin | 45% | 31 |
| #4 | hex | 43% | 40 |
| #5 | _Lerff | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | dog | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | hex | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | sin | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | _Lerff | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 975 | 0.17 | 25 min |
| #2 | dog | 228 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #3 | _Lerff | 97 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | hex | 92 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | sin | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | +1.35 | 57 | 63 |
| #2 | dog | +0.68 | 66 | 67 |
| #3 | sin | -0.24 | 82 | 29 |
| #4 | _Lerff | -0.94 | 51 | 68 |
| #5 | hennyS | -1.26 | 34 | 37 |





