








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,660 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 648 | 39% |
| Smokes | 367 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 465 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 180 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $105,724 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. med. Klatsch Mayer | 82% | 17 |
| #2 | Tschan-old | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | tokkyu | 74% | 23 |
| #4 | oSeЯft | 70% | 20 |
| #5 | Schwanzlurch | 70% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. med. Klatsch Mayer | 82% | 17 |
| #2 | Tschan-old | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | tokkyu | 74% | 23 |
| #4 | oSeЯft | 70% | 20 |
| #5 | Schwanzlurch | 70% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oSeЯft | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | tokkyu | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Schwanzlurch | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Dr. med. Klatsch Mayer | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tokkyu | 69 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Tschan-old | 50 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | Schwanzlurch | 23 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | oSeЯft | 14 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | Dr. med. Klatsch Mayer | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minospikruski | +4.56 | 54 | 76 |
| #2 | Tschan-old | +1.51 | 79 | 73 |
| #3 | oSeЯft | +1.04 | 71 | 42 |
| #4 | tokkyu | +1.01 | 55 | 56 |
| #5 | Dr. med. Klatsch Mayer | -0.94 | 39 | 45 |





