








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 115 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 163 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2242 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,769 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2364 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2269 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 968 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2168 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $592,525 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 224 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cereal Killa | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | mythii | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | SWEARINGJONNY | 64% | 39 |
| #4 | kwimy | 64% | 11 |
| #5 | peppershakes | 64% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | yob | 62% | 29 |
| #7 | ciisco | 62% | 63 |
| #8 | oka24 | 61% | 44 |
| #9 | Eckz flemingo | 60% | 40 |
| #10 | Pru | 60% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eckz flemingo | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | mythii | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | ciisco | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | oka24 | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ciisco | 287 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | peppershakes | 223 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #3 | SWEARINGJONNY | 169 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Eckz flemingo | 146 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | Pru | 143 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | costerfunk | +2.54 | 85 | 63 |
| #2 | SWEARINGJONNY | +1.88 | 87 | 73 |
| #3 | Cereal Killa | +1.30 | 77 | 42 |
| #4 | oka24 | +0.63 | 75 | 55 |
| #5 | ciisco | +0.63 | 81 | 76 |





