








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 931 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




170 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8977 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,160 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3916 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4233 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3176 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3835 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,936,429 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1074 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 42% | 67 | ||
| #9 | chinese semiconductor irony | 38% | 78 |
| #10 | johnny dharma | 37% | 243 |
| 32% | 62 | ||
| 31% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 crashout | 189 | 0.0256 |
| #2 | johnny dharma | 118 | 0.0246 |
| #3 | benadryl | 90 | 0.0166 |
| 55 | 0.0483 | ||
| 42 | 0.0223 |





