








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1775 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 824 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 160 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 38,116 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10723 | 28% |
| Smokes | 11389 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 8236 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 7768 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,517,078 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3578 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | - tated | 51% | 166 |
| #2 | The Alien | 50% | 54 |
| #3 | Teddy | 50% | 367 |
| #4 | Bobby | 49% | 234 |
| #5 | Joshua ッ | 47% | 190 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bobby | 21 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Teddy | 16 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Joshua ッ | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | - tated | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | StankyBushWookiee | 7 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy | 1093 | 0.14 | 26 min |
| #2 | - tated | 453 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Bobby | 396 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | StankyBushWookiee | 351 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | Drilla | 346 | 0.16 | 11 min |





