








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 240 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 374 matches | ||
| Wingman | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4992 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,699 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2579 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2677 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2849 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2594 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,211,454 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 175 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bacardi | 63% | 68 |
| #2 | alexib (haha) | 63% | 97 |
| #3 | sinatra | 62% | 81 |
| #4 | Xannie | 60% | 48 |
| #5 | Kief Teufel | 56% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | alexib (haha) | 63% | 97 |
| #3 | sinatra | 62% | 81 |
| #4 | Xannie | 60% | 48 |
| #5 | Kief Teufel | 56% | 32 |
| #6 | benko | 56% | 436 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benko | 35 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | sinatra | 18 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | alexib (haha) | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | bacardi | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Kief Teufel | 7 | 0.0109 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benko | 777 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #2 | bacardi | 120 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | alexib (haha) | 50 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Xannie | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | sinatra | 35 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sinatra | +4.81 | 82 | 58 |
| #2 | benko | +1.12 | 52 | 66 |
| #3 | Xannie | +0.92 | 63 | 60 |
| #4 | ✭ T Y S O N | +0.76 | 60 | 55 |
| #5 | alexib (haha) | +0.67 | 74 | 51 |





