








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 541 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 222 matches | ||
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Wingman | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5290 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2378 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3054 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3514 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3082 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,767,311 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pingwin! | 66% | 79 |
| #2 | ✭ T Y S O N | 63% | 97 |
| #3 | benko | 61% | 165 |
| #4 | sinatra | 58% | 290 |
| #5 | bacardi | 57% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sinatra | 63 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | bacardi | 22 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | benko | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Herr Gesangsverein | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ✭ T Y S O N | 5 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bacardi | 501 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | benko | 354 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | sinatra | 169 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✭ T Y S O N | 148 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Herr Gesangsverein | 139 | 0.03 | 4 min |





