








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 374 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1955 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,360 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1949 | 45% |
| Smokes | 1210 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 704 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 497 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $531,192 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 414 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GodLee | 48% | 93 |
| #2 | Gu14g | 46% | 74 |
| #3 | Ninh Gà | 45% | 121 |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | 44% | 80 |
| #5 | beast | 43% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ninh Gà | 45% | 121 |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | 44% | 80 |
| #5 | beast | 43% | 89 |
| #6 | UωU ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | damienle | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ninh Gà | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | GodLee | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | beast | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Gu14g | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ninh Gà | 316 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | beast | 241 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Stewwieieieie | 162 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | GodLee | 88 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | damienle | 61 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | +4.28 | 78 | 59 |
| #2 | GodLee | +0.36 | 61 | 34 |
| #3 | Gu14g | +0.26 | 76 | 21 |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | -1.62 | 57 | 46 |
| #5 | beast | -1.68 | 63 | 47 |





