








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 163 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1024 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,941 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1119 | 38% |
| Smokes | 290 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 928 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 604 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $109,315 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 214 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GodLee | 49% | 93 |
| #2 | Stewwieieieie | 46% | 68 |
| #3 | erect penis | 45% | 121 |
| #4 | Gu14g | 44% | 64 |
| #5 | beast | 42% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | erect penis | 45% | 121 |
| #4 | Gu14g | 44% | 64 |
| #5 | beast | 42% | 71 |
| #6 | damienle | 38% | 16 |
| #7 | UωU ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | GodLee | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Gu14g | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | beast | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | 452 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | beast | 196 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Stewwieieieie | 132 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | GodLee | 93 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gu14g | 75 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | +4.41 | 77 | 59 |
| #2 | GodLee | +1.21 | 59 | 37 |
| #3 | Gu14g | +0.62 | 75 | 24 |
| #4 | beast | -1.42 | 64 | 52 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | -1.56 | 54 | 44 |





