








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1040 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 353 | 26% |
| Smokes | 436 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 350 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 211 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $280,256 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | damienle | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | erect penis | 46% | 74 |
| #3 | GodLee | 45% | 55 |
| #4 | Ninh Gà | 44% | 64 |
| #5 | Top G | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Top G | 43% | 7 |
| #6 | Stewwieieieie | 43% | 35 |
| #7 | UωU ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | l i l r a m e n | 38% | 8 |
| #9 | beast | 35% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ninh Gà | 10 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | erect penis | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | GodLee | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | beast | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | 276 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ninh Gà | 155 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | beast | 115 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | 88 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | GodLee | 54 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | +3.22 | 73 | 60 |
| #2 | Top G | +1.59 | 65 | 63 |
| #3 | Gu14g | +0.20 | 73 | 27 |
| #4 | GodLee | -0.02 | 58 | 38 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | -0.60 | 51 | 42 |





