








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1119 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,572 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 391 | 15% |
| Smokes | 532 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 866 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $483,947 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | 46% | 48 |
| #6 | Gu14g | 45% | 55 |
| #7 | beast | 44% | 52 |
| #8 | KniMq | 40% | 10 |
| #9 | hoonG | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ninh Gà | 10 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | erect penis | 8 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Gu14g | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | beast | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | 305 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | Ninh Gà | 224 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | beast | 116 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Stewwieieieie | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gu14g | 55 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erect penis | +4.03 | 81 | 61 |
| #2 | GodLee | +0.87 | 60 | 37 |
| #3 | Gu14g | +0.37 | 77 | 27 |
| #4 | hoonG | -0.71 | 69 | 43 |
| #5 | Stewwieieieie | -0.72 | 63 | 45 |





