








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 392 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 378 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3595 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4599 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3533 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2154 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,722,762 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 307 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeastlyMonkeey | 57% | 65 |
| #2 | AcornNuggets | 51% | 136 |
| #3 | iiCaptain | 50% | 122 |
| #4 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 49% | 57 |
| #5 | FallN | 49% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | djkinney13 | 41% | 207 |
| #11 | Shiv | 40% | 181 |
| #12 | Candy Corn Buddah | 38% | 39 |
| #13 | Skysong | 35% | 31 |
| #14 | TheChickenOwner | 33% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shiv | 20 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | wAKe | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | -abso|ution- | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | AcornNuggets | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | iiCaptain | 7 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wAKe | 388 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #2 | iiCaptain | 380 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Shiv | 339 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #4 | djkinney13 | 302 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #5 | AcornNuggets | 233 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AcornNuggets | +2.04 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | iiCaptain | +1.98 | 71 | 67 |
| #3 | wAKe | +1.74 | 70 | 60 |
| #4 | jax- | +1.35 | 64 | 51 |
| #5 | vandal_ | +1.10 | 70 | 67 |





