








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 478 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 456 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5084 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,818 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4882 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5336 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3401 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3199 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,802,942 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 496 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muffin enjoyer | 57% | 47 |
| #2 | Tex Mex | 57% | 28 |
| #3 | Friendly | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | KimBobTraktor | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | Mystery 𓆩♡𓆪 | 49% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bRownie:) | 13 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Doof | 8 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | muffin enjoyer | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Tarmo | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Mystery 𓆩♡𓆪 | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bRownie:) | 436 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #2 | Mystery 𓆩♡𓆪 | 290 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | Tsifka | 196 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Doof | 194 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | Tarmo | 121 | 0.07 | 2 min |





