








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
696 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,549 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 690 | 45% |
| Smokes | 283 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 315 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 261 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $289,309 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 373 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | leprechaunsoup | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | mole | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | #FREEDIDDY | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Freak E. Cheese | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | GUH | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YAMI_SLICER | 25 | 0.0190 |
| #2 | GUH | 23 | 0.0346 |
| #3 | El Creyente | 14 | 0.0245 |
| #4 | ¼ | 12 | 0.0233 |
| #5 | mole | 9 | 0.0264 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YAMI_SLICER | 160 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | GUH | 67 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Freak E. Cheese | 64 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | ¼ | 58 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | El Creyente | 56 | 0.10 | 1 min |





