








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
206 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 548 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 128 | 23% |
| Smokes | 165 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 71 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 184 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $71,996 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SΛΖΟΟ | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | evoQ | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Doken | 55% | 22 |
| #4 | Miskrit 永遠の炎天照大 | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | Karol(愛)0521 | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doken | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | evoQ | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | SΛΖΟΟ | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doken | 101 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | evoQ | 49 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Y𝙴𝙴Z𝙴𝙴 ×͜× | 45 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #4 | Karol(愛)0521 | 44 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | SΛΖΟΟ | 38 | 0.19 | 1 min |





