








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 128 matches | ||
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,645 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1513 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1827 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1411 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1894 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $650,300 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 355 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 24k | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | BARRAGE | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | Notorious | 73% | 22 |
| #4 | stattik | 72% | 29 |
| #5 | Pathetic Jon | 72% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | red bull guzzler | 66% | 68 |
| #8 | Exodia | TRADING | 66% | 64 |
| #9 | eyz | 64% | 28 |
| #10 | ☹ | AdamRS | 64% | 11 |
| #11 | conq | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pathetic Jon | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Exodia | TRADING | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | eyz | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | red bull guzzler | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | stattik | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | red bull guzzler | 236 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | Exodia | TRADING | 180 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Pathetic Jon | 142 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | stattik | 124 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Notorious | 93 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pathetic Jon | +2.47 | 73 | 57 |
| #2 | william | +2.17 | 87 | 66 |
| #3 | UNT_Saber | +2.07 | 84 | 58 |
| #4 | stattik | +1.96 | 80 | 75 |
| #5 | red bull guzzler | +1.92 | 83 | 62 |





