








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1960 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 522 matches | ||
| Faceit | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7494 | 30% |
| Smokes | 7191 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2847 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 7172 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,704,101 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3027 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNT_Saber | 66% | 64 |
| #2 | Pathetic Jon | 62% | 146 |
| #3 | eyz | 58% | 280 |
| #4 | 7am | 56% | 75 |
| #5 | Warlord Colossus | 55% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Pathetic Jon | 62% | 146 |
| #3 | eyz | 58% | 280 |
| #4 | 7am | 56% | 75 |
| #5 | Warlord Colossus | 55% | 58 |
| #6 | girlcuck | 54% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eyz | 14 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Pathetic Jon | 13 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | 7am | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Warlord Colossus | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | girlcuck | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pathetic Jon | 481 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | eyz | 426 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #3 | girlcuck | 273 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | UNT_Saber | 179 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | 7am | 133 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 7am | +3.78 | 86 | 55 |
| #2 | Pathetic Jon | +3.10 | 74 | 59 |
| #3 | Exodia | TRADING | +2.57 | 85 | 54 |
| #4 | UNT_Saber | +2.45 | 86 | 60 |
| #5 | girlcuck | +2.00 | 85 | 58 |





