








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1033 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,405 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 602 | 25% |
| Smokes | 745 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 606 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 452 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $239,818 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | homofobico | 52% | 64 |
| #2 | blop | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | strike | 39% | 18 |
| #4 | jebomego | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | WeLoveSlime | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | strike | 39% | 18 |
| #4 | jebomego | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | WeLoveSlime | 33% | 15 |
| #6 | 2004 Ford Focus Sedan | 9% | 11 |
| #7 | jebochlebo | 0% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blop | 6 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | homofobico | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | WeLoveSlime | 2 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | 2004 Ford Focus Sedan | 2 | 0.0094 |
| #5 | strike | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | homofobico | 318 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #2 | WeLoveSlime | 94 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #3 | strike | 88 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #4 | blop | 27 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | jebochlebo | 23 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strike | +4.70 | 87 | 65 |
| #2 | jebochlebo | +2.58 | 84 | 65 |
| #3 | homofobico | +1.92 | 75 | 54 |
| #4 | blop | -0.19 | 84 | 49 |
| #5 | 私はあなたのお母さんを犯した | -0.74 | 57 | 48 |





