








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 814 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Faceit | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 105 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4182 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,594 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1752 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2613 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3824 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 1405 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,900,207 of utility $245 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1536 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diet Mr. Pibb | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | MindShatter56 | 56% | 145 |
| #3 | WaxxedYa | 55% | 66 |
| #4 | Donald John Trump | 51% | 257 |
| #5 | Coded Cox | 50% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | WaxxedYa | 55% | 66 |
| #4 | Donald John Trump | 51% | 257 |
| #5 | Coded Cox | 50% | 68 |
| #6 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | 49% | 103 |
| #7 | Honk | 46% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donald John Trump | 38 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | MindShatter56 | 17 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Coded Cox | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Diet Mr. Pibb | 4 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donald John Trump | 728 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | MindShatter56 | 212 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | 166 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | Coded Cox | 134 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Diet Mr. Pibb | 108 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diet Mr. Pibb | +0.83 | 84 | 58 |
| #2 | Coded Cox | +0.72 | 59 | 53 |
| #3 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | +0.56 | 60 | 48 |
| #4 | MindShatter56 | +0.31 | 78 | 63 |
| #5 | Donald John Trump | +0.06 | 59 | 68 |





