








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3010 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,611 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1709 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2105 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2455 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2342 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,226,735 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MindShatter56 | 52% | 115 |
| #2 | Honk | 52% | 132 |
| #3 | Donald John Trump | 51% | 72 |
| #4 | Diet Mr. Pibb | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | Coded Cox | 50% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Coded Cox | 50% | 42 |
| #6 | YeLiR (On Crack) | 50% | 42 |
| #7 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 49% | 103 |
| #8 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 42% | 43 |
| #9 | ZYNS | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donald John Trump | 16 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | MindShatter56 | 12 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Honk | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 3 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MindShatter56 | 183 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Donald John Trump | 158 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 134 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Honk | 116 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | YeLiR (On Crack) | 113 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YeLiR (On Crack) | +4.07 | 87 | 71 |
| #2 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | +1.12 | 77 | 67 |
| #3 | Diet Mr. Pibb | +0.93 | 86 | 63 |
| #4 | Donald John Trump | +0.62 | 61 | 62 |
| #5 | MindShatter56 | +0.42 | 79 | 57 |





