








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 318 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5440 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,989 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3556 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3852 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4677 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3904 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,202,149 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 305 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 56% | 145 |
| #2 | YeLiR (On Crack) | 54% | 35 |
| #3 | Donald John Trump | 53% | 189 |
| #4 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | 52% | 115 |
| #5 | WaxxedYa | 50% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | WaxxedYa | 50% | 105 |
| #6 | Coded Cox | 48% | 187 |
| #7 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 46% | 61 |
| #8 | momoの | 45% | 33 |
| #9 | Honk | 44% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donald John Trump | 45 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | Coded Cox | 19 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | WaxxedYa | 12 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 11 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 9 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donald John Trump | 461 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | Coded Cox | 249 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Tru3Ass4ss1n | 215 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | 162 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 142 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YeLiR (On Crack) | +3.96 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | MindShatter56 | +1.52 | 81 | 60 |
| #3 | Franklin Delano Roosevelt | +1.28 | 77 | 69 |
| #4 | Coded Cox | +1.09 | 64 | 48 |
| #5 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | +1.07 | 63 | 50 |





