








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
275 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 333 | 26% |
| Smokes | 268 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 388 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 269 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $64,128 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Evzen | 33% | 3 |
| #15 | Chomillera | 30% | 23 |
| #16 | s0n | 27% | 11 |
| #17 | nes | 20% | 5 |
| #18 | CORPORAL UPHAM | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s0n | 6 | 0.0319 |
| #2 | Usan | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Dang3r | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Chomillera | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | threeNil | 2 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Usan | 226 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | astronoi | 124 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Dang3r | 67 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Aggressivee- | 62 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | J. | 52 | 0.52 | 1 min |





