








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1338 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,245 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 629 | 19% |
| Smokes | 845 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 904 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 867 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,064,951 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | souffle | 61% | 89 |
| #2 | TravBall | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Lil Pup | 52% | 140 |
| #4 | metal penis bang | 51% | 114 |
| #5 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 50% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | metal penis bang | 51% | 114 |
| #5 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 50% | 26 |
| #6 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 48% | 143 |
| #7 | Vladmir | 33% | 15 |
| #8 | batman feet pictures dot com | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | batman feet pictures dot com | 6 | 0.0122 |
| #3 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | metal penis bang | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | 194 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #2 | souffle | 182 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | batman feet pictures dot com | 76 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 70 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 54 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | souffle | +3.30 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | Lil Pup | +2.46 | 64 | 53 |
| #3 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | +0.06 | 45 | 38 |
| #4 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | -0.07 | 56 | 51 |
| #5 | metal penis bang | -0.97 | 21 | 26 |





