








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 906 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3817 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2015 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3177 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2302 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2571 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,793,336 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 258 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 48% | 332 |
| #9 | metal penis bang | 48% | 235 |
| #10 | orlo | 43% | 35 |
| #11 | batman feet pictures dot com | 37% | 75 |
| #12 | Vladmir | 33% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | batman feet pictures dot com | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 11 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | TravBall | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | metal penis bang | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | The_Real_Tom_L | 5 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | souffle | 366 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 203 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 175 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #4 | batman feet pictures dot com | 151 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | TravBall | 132 | 0.07 | 3 min |





