








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,766 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2553 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2439 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1486 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1288 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $874,934 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 846 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The_Real_Tom_L | 61% | 89 |
| #2 | caveman mike | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 59% | 61 |
| #4 | Lil Pup | 54% | 199 |
| #5 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 50% | 199 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Lil Pup | 54% | 199 |
| #5 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 50% | 199 |
| #6 | metal penis bang | 47% | 269 |
| #7 | Vladmir | 38% | 26 |
| #8 | batman feet pictures dot com | 30% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | metal penis bang | 11 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Lil Pup | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | batman feet pictures dot com | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Vladmir | 2 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | 265 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 160 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | 106 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | metal penis bang | 91 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | The_Real_Tom_L | 76 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | souffle | +1.97 | 72 | 62 |
| #2 | caveman mike | +1.92 | 71 | 57 |
| #3 | Lil Pup | +1.86 | 65 | 55 |
| #4 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | -0.49 | 50 | 45 |
| #5 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | -0.96 | 47 | 39 |





