








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 239 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 94 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 132 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5702 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,548 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1002 | 8% |
| Smokes | 4844 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 2635 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4067 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,015,298 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 330 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TravBall | 58% | 69 |
| #2 | souffle | 50% | 199 |
| #3 | caveman mike | 50% | 34 |
| #4 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 48% | 182 |
| #5 | The_Real_Tom_L | 48% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | The_Real_Tom_L | 48% | 143 |
| #6 | Lil Pup | 48% | 332 |
| #7 | metal penis bang | 44% | 219 |
| #8 | batman feet pictures dot com | 29% | 48 |
| #9 | Vladmir | 19% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | 9 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | metal penis bang | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | The_Real_Tom_L | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | batman feet pictures dot com | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | TravBall | 4 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | 452 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #2 | HAIRLINEISCOOKED | 401 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | souffle | 365 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | The_Real_Tom_L | 120 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | TravBall | 91 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Pup | +2.31 | 67 | 55 |
| #2 | souffle | +1.96 | 73 | 65 |
| #3 | caveman mike | +1.07 | 74 | 56 |
| #4 | TravBall | +0.14 | 46 | 51 |
| #5 | Nissan Pulsar 1.6L | -0.19 | 40 | 40 |





