








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 242 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3790 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,759 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3873 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2703 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2538 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2645 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,037,842 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1804 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zplit | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 46% | 156 |
| #3 | Jas | 43% | 21 |
| #4 | Uffe | 38% | 55 |
| #5 | Jens Sørensen | 36% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zplit | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 46% | 156 |
| #3 | Jas | 43% | 21 |
| #4 | Uffe | 38% | 55 |
| #5 | Jens Sørensen | 36% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Jas | 5 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Uffe | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Jens Sørensen | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Zplit | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 346 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | Zplit | 189 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Uffe | 104 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jens Sørensen | 66 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jas | 60 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jas | +5.42 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | homas04 | +0.87 | 59 | 61 |
| #3 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | +0.83 | 68 | 45 |
| #4 | Zplit | -1.24 | 46 | 63 |
| #5 | Jens Sørensen | -4.16 | 22 | 26 |





